I don’t understand why it has to be this way. I have everything I’ve ever needed, I have parents who love me, and while we’re being honest, I have more than the average person. But I’m not happy. I’m just not. The things I do, the things I say, the way I am as a whole person isn’t who I want to be in the future. But I have been hurt and pushed down too many times. People don’t know what it’s like to feel like this. To be dragged through the thickest mud, face first. No one will ever understand why I do what I do, and why I am the way I am. And maybe that’s why I’ve pushed anyone away who cares about me. But quite frankly, I can’t get hurt. I just can’t. I cannot take that risk, not at the state I am in right now. I’m not stable enough. But, when I am stable, No one is going to be left. They’re all going to be gone. And maybe that’s what I need. I need to just be lonely for a while, to really find who I am. But when you’re in high school, who can really find themselves? I’m not ready to let go of everyone I care about, but I just keep pushing them away. And I know that they’re giving up. They don’t put up with my stubbornness as long anymore. They don’t fight the problem out of me. I want someone to fight through my tough exterior and show me that they are worthy to know how I’m really feeling. And maybe I thought I could fool myself by lying, by saying I was better, by hiding the scars more and more. But in reality, I haven’t gotten better, I’ve got a long damn road and I don’t want to walk it alone. But I have to, because in all honesty, no one will fight through it with me. I don’t have someone who cares about me that much. And maybe that’s okay, but I can’t find any good coming from it. I’m over it, I really am.